Just a Teacher

Trauma can be categorized as acute, chronic and complex. If you are reading this blog, chances are you have had some experience with trauma, know someone who has experienced some, or are just curious about some patterns of behavior you are manifesting that have no explanation...until now.

Acute trauma can occur from a major event such as assault, a natural disaster or personal loss. Chronic trauma takes place over time and can be the result of living through prolonged sexual, mental or physical abuse, domestic violence or neglect, or as a result of war, trafficking or exploitation. Complex trauma takes place when more than one type of trauma has been experienced. Trauma changes the neurons in a developing brain and creates behaviors that are designed to protect individuals from experiencing the pain of the initial abuse. In the case of complex trauma, individuals can change their entire personalities to create barriers from hurtful situations and often times these victims lash out at others as protection from feeling any emotion. A child who may have once been happy and open can turn dark and angry in order to avoid feeling the pain of their experience. This is what happened to me.

As most of you who know me can attest to, I come from a very good family. We are very close and supportive. Things in my home were always good, but outside of that space lurked individuals and scenarios that would forever change me and send me into a dark and lonely place. I got very angry and began to act in ways that were not my true nature. My heart closed off and I began a downward spiral that I am only now recognizing and understanding. I spent years believing that I was worthless and had no purpose or value. That all changed when I was asked about my plans for my future by a gifted psychologist. My answer started with explaining what other people wanted me to be. After some continued pressure and questioning I finally blurted out that I wanted to be a teacher-an idea that I immediately regretted because I had never given it any thought. I now see how this has been my calling all along.

You see, life takes twists and turns that are not planned or invited and we end up in situations that require psychological, spiritual and physical repair. Many times we crumble from the weight of it all, see the damage we have done to ourselves and others and in the end see the trauma that was inflicted upon us. The beauty lies in "seeing" it as it really is. Trauma happens to us. No one goes looking for it or deserves it. We do however, blame ourselves for it and make conscious decisions to remain in situations that perpetuate our negative sense of self. When we identify the trauma and how it has changed us we can peel off the layers of self hatred and begin the healing process.

So I became a teacher. Great, but this year something happened. I saw the trauma in children and other adults and knew intuitively that I had been through it myself. I also knew that I could help them heal-because I am healing myself. I am working with students who really need me in school. I am offering them a way to understand themselves and heal without saying a word to them...just providing a space and some ideas on finding their peace, standing in their truth and knowing they can make it to the other side of this. They cannot focus on learning when they are worried about their own survival and safety. This is not altogether a welcome idea in the educational domain, but I am working with students as whole individuals, not just what their test scores describe them as.  The process is working and I feel more alive than I ever have.  I am willing to risk my job in order to address some of the underlying issues these kids cannot even define. I now understand what my purpose is and I am offering it to anyone who needs it.

If you feel like any part of my story is like yours, if you're tired of finding yourself in the same relationships with different people or you're just exhausted from trying to show the world you are fine, just know that I see you. I see you and what you have been through, and I can give you some tools to change your understanding of what happened to you. You can learn to thrive by seeing value in your experience and turning your pain into your greatest gift. Your circumstances made you who you are today but they can also change who you become tomorrow.  You are worth it and I can teach you how.

How betrayal corrodes the image of self

 Let's talk TRAUMA. According to the Crisis Prevention Institute trauma is defined as:

"An event or series of events, an experience or prolonged experiences, and/or a threat or perceived threats to a person’s well-being. The individual’s daily coping mechanisms can be negatively impacted by trauma. Subsequent behavioral responses to daily life may be filtered through this perspective."

It is divided into 3 types.

Acute trauma (Type I)-results from exposure to a single overwhelming event. Examples: Rape, death of a loved one, natural disaster. Characteristics: Detailed memories, omens, hyper-vigilance, exaggerated startle response, misperceptions or overreactions.

Complex trauma (Type II)- results from extended exposure to traumatizing situations. Examples: Prolonged exposure to violence or bullying, profound neglect, home environment, or abrupt removal from an environment with friends or colleagues. Characteristics: Denial and psychological numbing, dissociation, rage, social withdrawal, sense of foreshortened future.

Crossover Trauma (Type III)-results from a single traumatic event that is devastating enough to have long-lasting effects. Examples: Mass casualty school shooting, car accident with fatalities involved, refugee dislocation. Characteristics: Perpetual mourning or depression, chronic pain, concentration problems, sleep disturbances, irritability. 

Betrayal can also cause trauma, regardless of whether the betrayal is delivered or received. Either instance can trigger severe loss of self worth and initiate toxic shame. Toxic shame creates feelings of worthlessness and when combined with a history of childhood trauma can cause a downward negative spiral of self loathing and destructive behavior. This behavior can manifest itself in one or more of the following ways:

*You wear masks to cover your true identity

*You isolate yourself

*You don't express yourself and often denigrate your own skills and gifts

*You lie to yourself and others

*You have low self-esteem and self-sabotage

The combination of betrayer/betrayal receiver and an existing history of trauma creates a constant belief of unworthiness and negative self talk that can derail any positive movement toward forgiveness and wholeness, as well as create self-sabotaging reactions to opportunities for growth. Many times individuals never reach their true potential until they identify, forgive, ask for forgiveness and work toward finding value in their life.

As a survivor of trauma and educator my most important contribution to the world is to take what I know about trauma, help others to identify their own traumatic events, and assist them on a path toward healing and forgiveness. My hope is that I can give you the tools to accomplish this and learn to see yourself in a new light...your individual light, and fulfill your own purpose. 

If you see yourself in this message and are ready to take the next steps toward healing you may PM me on my facebook page

facebook.com/alleycatarts

or via email